


Once you wake up, it'll be a new morning

by Sunflowerhanamaru



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, Lots of unresolved feelings, The girls are reunited for the 10 years anniversary for Aqours, background rubymaru, group reunion AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 03:38:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12497884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunflowerhanamaru/pseuds/Sunflowerhanamaru
Summary: “We’re bound by contracts Riko, we don’t have much choice. Believe me. I’ve searched.” Mari takes a folder from her large leather bag and places it in front of Riko. “My lawyers have read it a hundred times already and my lawyers are the best. We can’t say no. We have to get back on stage for a tour for Aqours’ ten years anniversary.”





	Once you wake up, it'll be a new morning

**Author's Note:**

> The fic I wrote for chikariko week, finally on ao3, hopefully easier to read than on tumblr! I hope you'll enjoy it!

_“You’re not wearing any sunglasses.”_

_Riko smiles and reaches for her’s and Chika’s bags in the overhead compartment.  
“I don’t need glasses, there’s not a ray of sun outside.”_

_“But we’re celebrities, Riko. There are fans waiting to photograph us in the airport and your eyes will hurt with all the flashes. Here.” She searches in the handbag Riko just gave her. “I have a second pair.”_

_Riko takes the expensive sunglasses (She recognizes a pair from a famous brand gifted by a fan.) and puts them on. They are just a little too big on her and she knows they look even bigger on Chika, making her look like an actress from another century. Chika pushes them higher on Riko’s nose and put hers on. Chika’s glasses slip on her nose as well and Riko pushes them with a giggle._

_“Are you ready,_ lovebirds _?” yells Mari from the entrance of the plane. Riko finally notices all their friends left already._

_“Are you ready?” She asks Chika._

_“Are_ you _, starlet?” Riko can’t stop herself from kissing Chika, short and sweet. Mari and You make gagging noises from the end of the aisle. The girls separate with a laugh.  
“Ready.”_

 

“I won’t do that. I can’t do that, Mari.”

Riko looks around the small café to avoid meeting Mari’s eyes. Her friend is sipping her coffee, expression unreadable behind her enormous designer sunglasses. Riko had made fun of her first thing when she’d walk in but Mari had just shrugged. ‘We’re still celebrities’ she had said, making Riko shake her head. Not here, she had wanted to say. She hadn’t.

“We’re bound by contracts Riko, we don’t have much choice. Believe me. I’ve searched.” She takes a folder from her large leather bag (everything Mari owns is always so big, notices Riko, always a little too much.) and places it in front of Riko. “My lawyers have read it a hundred times already and my lawyers are the best. We can’t say no. We have to get back on stage for a tour for Aqours’ ten years anniversary.”

Riko knows Mari is right; she still takes the contract and opens it. She can’t help but feel a little homesick like every time she reads Japanese nowadays. Moving out had been the good thing to do six years ago and she doesn’t regret it but there are still days where she feels her heart tugging her back to Japan.  
She reads a couple of lines just to busies herself. She knows Mari is watching her, waiting for something. She looks at her ring finger and gets the urge to play with the ring that was there, a long time ago. She bites her lip.

“Have you seen the others recently?”

“We had our dinner two months ago.” Says Mari with a gentle voice. “Everyone is busy lately so it’s difficult to meet regularly.” She digs in her apple pie with the tip of her spoon. “Ruby and Maru adopted a new cat. I think Hanamaru wishes they had kids… Dia’s society is doing really well. Kanan’s still working with her dad but he’s thinking of quitting so she has a lot of work. She’s training a young girl to take care of their business while we’re back on stage. And you’ve probably seen news of You and Yohane all over the internet. You is really successful as an actress now and Yohane is always touring with new songs.” Mari takes another sip of coffee. “Everyone has been asking about you, you know.”

Riko nods shortly and closes her eyes. “And... How’s Chika?” 

“She’s good. Been working more at the ryokan since Mito stepped down to build a family.”

There’s a long silence before Riko finally asks what she’s dying to know. “Does she still sing?”

“She does open mics on friday nights. She has quite a following, old and new fans alike. She taught herself to play the guitar, did you know?”

Riko thinks about a night, a hundred years ago. About Chika’s happy smile, about her hands holding the brand new guitar. About her cheerful eyes. ‘I’m gonna write so many love songs and I’m gonna dedicate them all to you!’. Riko shakes her head. “I didn’t.” She lies. “Is she seeing someone?”

“Riko…” Mari takes Riko’s hand in both of her’s and squeezes. “I don’t think she…” She hesitates. “There’s no one, Riko. There hasn’t been anyone. Anyone serious enough for her to tell us, at least.”

“I don’t know why I’m asking anyway. None of my business, right?” 

Mari only tightens her hold on Riko’s hand. “Drink your coffee.” She says. “It must be cold by now.”

 

Riko loves living in Germany, she really does, but she feels home the second she steps a foot in Japan. Their company had sent her a first class ticket and she had spent the whole twelve hours flight getting pleasantly buzzed on wine and sleeping. The sun is setting outside; a quick calculation tells Riko it’s barely noon in Berlin. She hesitates to grab a sandwich in one of the airport shop but ultimately decides against it: You swore she would be there waiting for her and Riko doesn’t want to make her wait.

She goes to the private lounge and finds it empty but for an hostess who greets her and offers her some coffee. Riko sits in one of the comfortable chair and closes her eyes, ready to doze off again. Footsteps informs her that someone else arrived in the room but she doesn't feel too eager to leave just yet. She turns to grab her bag.

“Oh.” Says the person, making Riko’s eyes snap open. Chika is standing at the doorway, frozen. She looks at her feet and smile a little bitterly. “I get why You gave me this now.” She says, waving a pair of dark sunglasses she’s holding in her hand. “I should have understood. Do you still always forget your sunglasses?”

“We don’t need sunglasses.” Riko says mechanically, and she hates herself for that. “The sun is setting.”

“Still.” 

The private lounge’s whole wall is composed of glass and the sky is glowing outside, bright reds and oranges and yellows. Chika, standing in front of it, is still glowing brighter than anything else. Her hair is longer than it’s ever been, tips touching the middle of her back. She looks a little older, her face a little more angular. She looks just as breathtaking as she did the day they said goodbye and Riko regrets her decision of coming back for what seems the hundredth time. She stands and takes the glasses, doesn’t fight Chika when she reaches for Riko’s big handbag. “‘We’re celebrities’, is that right?” she asks with her best imitation of a smile.

“We are.” Confirms Chika. “Let’s go, starlet.” Riko does her best not to cry at the familiar exchange.

 

Riko spends the whole car’s ride fighting the urge to watch Chika’s profile. She’s always loved watching her during night rides, loved the way the light washes over her traits. She remembers nights on the tour bus; Chika’s head on her shoulder, the lights of the city dancing on her skin. Chika was made for that type of dramatic lightings, for neons and lampposts and skies catching fire. Riko always thought she herself was grey skies over grey sea. She sighs.

“The others won’t be here before tomorrow night.” Says Chika, breaking the silence. “Management rented us rooms in the Hilton til they finish renovating the old dorm.” She laughs a little. 

Chika drives with a confidence Riko didn’t knew she had; she remembers how panicked Chika had been for her first lessons, how she’d spent nights comforting her. 

“Who did you think you were picking up?” She asks, her fingers tightening around her bag’s handle.

“Yohane.” Chika stops at a traffic light and glances at Riko. “She just ended her tour by a show in England.”

“I know, she called me last week. She seems happy about the comeback.”

“She has to put her solo career on hold for us but she doesn’t seem mad about it.” Confirms Chika. “Everyone’s excited about the comeback.”

“Even Dia?”

“She’s furious, officially.” Riko can’t help but laugh. “Ruby said she called her and cried when she got the news. I think she’s secretly the happiest.”

The silence stretches around them once again. “And you? Are you happy about it?” 

“Riko…” Ten years later, Chika saying her name still makes Riko’s heart feels heavy in her chest. Chika sighs and glances at her again. “Yeah I am. I’m happy to see you again.”

“Me too.” Says Riko, and she doesn’t know if she’s lying or not. She turns to the passenger’s window to hide her glassy eyes.

 

_“Do you want to buy a fortune?” Riko jumps in surprise when the shrine maiden talks and almost lets go of her ema. The girl laugh. “I'm sorry if I surprised you.”_

_“I'm sorry for being such a scared cat.” Sighs Riko. “I guess it can't hurt to buy one.”_

_The girls had decided to come visit the Kanda shrine to celebrate the one year anniversary of Aqours and to gather the courage to debut as real idols. They signed the official contract just a couple hours before and nervousness is still buzzing through Riko’s veins, making her giddy. She hangs her ema and follow the shrine maiden to the vending machine._

_“What does it say?” Asks Chika, her own fortune already unrolled in her hands._

_“Great relationship curse.” Says Riko, feeling her stomach drop to her feet._

_“Maybe we can share mine then.” Chika cuts her own ‘great relationship blessing’ fortune in two halves and gives one to Riko. “Let's hang yours?” Chika takes her hands and drags her to the pine tree. “If we hang it up well, I'm sure we will have all the luck, for our debut and in love.” She says with a smile. She doesn't let go of her hand for the rest of the day._

When Riko rolls out of bed, head banging with the biggest heachache she’s had in years and stomach empty, it’s to discover that it’s raining over Tokyo. She checks her phone to constate it’s only eight and calculates it’s one in Germany. She ate nothing the day before after boarding the plane but for a single sandwich and she craves Japanese food.  
She showers and dresses and benefits from a sudden stop of the rain to leave the hotel. The streets are familiar; she’s lived here for years after all, before her family moved out to Numazu and after Aqours popularity grew so much they all had to come live in the capital.

She mechanically finds the way to her old favorite restaurant and is relieved to see it’s still here. The owner even seems to recognize her and she soon brings her a fuming bowl of her favorite spicy ramens. 

“Going to the shrine?” Asks the old server with a smile. Riko considers the suggestion a moment. She hadn't thought about going, hadn't thought about the Kanda shrine at all, really, but since her steps led her here she guesses she can take that little time regressing trip.

She thanks the owner and eats what seems to her like the best meal in a century before leaving for the shrine. Riko remembers coming to give his respects when she was still a high school student at Otonokizaka, but her most memorable had been the one they had taken with Aqours, a long time ago.  
They had made a habit of going every year after that first trip. Even after they retired from the public life they had kept going; that's what Ruby had told her at least. Dia hadn't gave up on the hopes to meet Toujou Nozomi, she had said with a laugh, but her wish had never became true.

Riko arrives at the shrine just before the rain starts again. She hides from the bad weather in the main building with a relieved sigh.

“Hello!” Says a cheerful young shrine maiden. The girl can’t be older than eight years old and her excitation is palpable. “Would you like to get a fortune?”

“I guess it can’t hurt.” Says Riko, letting the girl lead her to a vending machine. She fishes for a five-yen coin in her wallet and waits patiently for her fortune to be delivered.  
Riko unroll the paper. “What does it say?” Asks the shrine maiden with a tug on her sleeve. Riko smiles and tips the fortune in her direction. “Romantic relationship blessing!” She gasps. “Just like mom said.”

“Your mother predicted my fortune?” Asks Riko with a chuckle. The girl nods happily, her blond hair shaking wildly with her movement.

“She said you should hang an ema, too.”

“Did she, now?” The girl nods again. “Did your mom had any other recommendation for me?”

“How did you know? She said you should have a parfait in the shop down the stairs.”

Riko really laughs this time and pats the girl’s hair. “Let’s start with that ema, right?”

 

Riko stays at the temple for half an hour more, chatting happily with the little god’s servitor until she shoos her off. “You should go and have that parfait now Riko. Parfaits don’t wait.”

She pays a last respect to the kamis before taking the stairs. A couple of Muse’s fans are here as well despite the rain and one of them stares at her for a little too long; Riko regrets having left her sunglasses in her hotel room. She runs down the stairs and pushes the door of the shop a little too hard; a little carillon and the server’s smile welcome her in. She goes to find a table and stops dead in her track when she spots long orange hair. Chika is here, looking at her with an expectant smile. Riko hesitates but ultimately decides to sit in front of her.

“You went to the shrine too?” Riko nods. “What were the odds of us meeting here…”

“This little girl told me to come here.”

Chika raises her eyebrows and brushes a strand of hair out of her face. Riko notices that it’s wet; Chika didn’t managed to avoid the rain either. “A blond one?” Riko nods again.  
“She told me to come here, too. Said it was an advice from her mom.”

“She called me by my name…” Riko frowns. “Now that I think about it I never told her my name. I think we’ve been scammed”

“That’s because you didn’t wear sunglasses.” Chika’s tone is light, amused. Riko can’t help but smile a little.

“You don’t have yours either.” Remarks Riko. “Or an umbrella.” She teases, eyeing Chika’s wet hair. She digs in Chika’s mikan parfait without thinking, the familiar taste bringing her back years ago. Chika follows her gesture with a pained expression.

“I’ve missed you Riko.” She says, and seems to regret immediately.

Riko looks down at her melting ice cream and swallows with difficulty. “Well.” She says. “I’m back now.”

 

_“What’s that, Riko?”_

_The girls are all half asleep after long hours of fan meeting and Riko is no better. She follows Kanan’s line of sight to the new ring adorning her ring finger and blushes.  
“A fan gave it to me. I thought it was pretty.”_

_“Looks like something from our merch line. Isn’t that a little self-centered of you?” Kanan teases gently._

_Dia takes Riko’s hand and studies the ring with insistence, making Riko blush harder. “That’s not from our merch line.” She accuses. “That’s from Chika’s. Ugh. Disgusting.”_

_“Yeah, well. It’s pretty, so…” Says Riko, snatching her hand from Dia’s grip. She catches Chika’s eyes on her, more serious that she usually sees her. She smiles hesitantly._

_“Can I see?” Chika takes her hand and watches the ring, a simple silver band engraved with a tiny orange C. “I like it.” She says, intertwining her fingers with Riko’s. “Please wear it often.”_

 

The seven other girls all arrive the following day but Riko doesn’t really have time to enjoy being reunited with her friends: they’re soon rushed from meeting to meeting with their new team. The Aqours comeback is highly anticipated and their managing knows it; Riko doesn’t even want to know how much money has been injected in the project. 

“We have prepared some new merch for you to wear.” Says the new manager when the publicity meeting ends. The guy is young and ambitious, younger than the youngest member of Aqours probably and he seems simultaneously very out of place and desperate to enforce his status. “We have a box for each one of you. You don’t have to wear anything ominously, be subtle about it.”

Dia stares him down. “I’m a business woman, not a child. We've been in this industry since before you were legal. We know what to do.” The manager blushes.

Ruby digs in her box and shows everyone a serigraphed t-shirt. “That’s pretty.” She says, showing the little lollipop printed on the heart’s place. “It won’t be hard to mix that up with casual outfits.”

Kanan, who sat next to Riko during the meeting, shows her her own t-shirt adorned with a little dolphin. “There’s a bunch of other stuff too. Lots of jewellry. I love this one!” 

Riko takes the little ring from Kanan. It’s a simple silver band engraved with a red line, a clear reference to the new song the company made them listen to during the musical meeting they had the day before. “Red string of fate.” she says, rubbing the smooth material.

“And there’s a tiny jewel in my color.” Remarks Kanan.

“It really is a good idea.” Says Riko. “It’s really pretty, I’m going to wear mine.” She finds the jewelry box and rummages for the ring but freezes when she finds it.

“What’s the matt… Oh.” Kanan takes the ring from Riko. “It’s orange. You used to wear Chika’s merch all the time, I remember it now.”

“Fans loved it, it made them talk.” Says Riko bitterly. “They probably want to recreate that.”

“But you didn’t do it for the fans, back then.” Kanan is still holding Riko’s ring and her tone is gentle, delicate. “You did it for her, and she loved it, too.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too but, well. I thought a lot of wrong things, didn’t I?”

“No, Riko, please.” Kanan puts the ring back in the box and wraps an arm around Riko’s shoulders. Chika is laughing with Hanamaru on the other side of the room, holding a dangling key chain. She’s so pretty it makes Riko want to cry. “You can’t rewrite your history like that, it’s disrespectful to both Chika and you. She loved it. She was a bit childish then and she loved seeing you flaunt that you were hers to the world.”

Riko nods, her throat tight. “I can’t wear it now though.”

“Then don’t. Do you really thinks that little man can make us do anything we don’t want to?”

He can, really, and they both know it, but Riko looks at Dia who’s currently lecturing the poor manager about schedulings and how none of them will go on diet even if they ask and she believes it, a little. She chuckles. “They can’t make us do anything we don’t want to do.” She says with a smile. “Because we’re ‘together, standing, bounded by a red string of fate.’?” she quotes.

Kanan laughs. “Honestly. Even our debut songs were worded better.”

 

_She should have understand, of course, when Chika had squeezed her so hard before boarding the plane to visit her parents. Riko had laughed, had said something like ‘we're seeing each other in a week, you big baby.’ and Chika had choked off a laugh, had said ‘I can't wait to go back to you.’ and had boarded the plane.  
Riko had been barely out of the airport, walking to her car when her phone had rung with a call from Ruby._

_“Riko! Is Chika with you?”_

_“No.” had said Riko. “She’s on her plane now. Is there a problem?”_

_“Don't…” Riko had only noticed how distressed Ruby sounded. “Don't go home. Don't check the Internet. Come straight to Maru’s and I flat, okay?”_

_“Okay.” She had said._

_She hadn't listened. She had sat behind the steering wheel and had opened twitter to find hundreds of notifications, all about Chika leaving Aqours. She had started the car, brain blank and had drove straight to her flat, the one Chika and her had spent weeks hunting for, to find an envelope on the table. She had opened it, her head swimming with thoughts._

_The message is short, concise. Chika couldn't keep going like that, she had to quit them. To quit her._

_Riko’s phone is ringing urgently on the floor. Riko doesn't pick it up. She doesn't think she will ever be able to._

 

Riko had always loved fall. From an artistic point of view, because fall is the perfect season for vibrant palettes and warm colors, but also for the large sweater season, for the morning’s biting cold. Fall had been pretty in Germany but everything seems prettier in Japan since Riko came back; she’s glad she agreed to a walk in a park with Hanamaru and Ruby to admire it.

After so many anonymous years she isn't used anymore to being recognised in the street, though, and she soon begs her friends to retreat in a teahouse.

“I don't know how you manage with all those people watching you.”

Hanamaru shrugs, her hands draped around her mug. “It's not so bad anymore in Numazu, we can't really complain.”

“You do though.” Says Ruby, eyes glittering. “Hanamaru complains so much lately, she's becoming a real old library lady. Sometimes she tells the cats to quiet down at home after a day of work.” She laughs, and Hanamaru rolls her eyes with a smile. “But seriously we’re never bothered by fans anymore.”

“Except the occasional weirdo who thinks he can flirt with Ruby.” 

“Or the occasional book nerd who thinks he can flirt with Hanamaru.” Ruby is the one who rolls her eyes this time and Riko can't help but notice how many of each other's habits they have adopted. She wonders if Chika and her would be like that too if they never stopped dating. She forces herself not to think about it.

“The Internet is wild though.” Comments Hanamaru. “people are all over the place everytime we post something. Some people truly still don't get that we're dating. Like. They think we are… What's the term again?”

“Maru’s still not good with social medias.” Jokes Ruby, earning an outraged ‘Hey!’ from her girlfriend. “‘best friends goal’ is the term. We live together, we hold hands, there's  
literally sneaky pictures of us kissing floating around and some people think we aren't dating.” She shrugs. “That's twitter for you.”

 

Riko is still thinking about their conversation late at night and she stupidly decides to quickly search for her name on twitter.  
The first tweet she comes across to is a text post tagged 'chikariko' She (stupidly, stupidly) clicks on it and finds a complete thread of pictures. On the first one, sixteen years old Riko is looking at Chika like she hung the stars up the sky. Riko’s heart aches.  
Riko relives the four years of their Aqours’ life through pictures, from fansigns to live shows to candids. She sees herself growing up, and Chika growing up as well. The last picture of the thread is from a week ago: someone had saw them in the shop they had met in their day at the shrine. The Chika and Riko from the first picture changed so much, she thinks a little sadly. The way she looks at Chika doesn't change though. Twenty-six years old Riko looks at Chika the same way she always did and she fears maybe she always will. 

Riko clicks on the tweet’s poster username and waits for her account to load. She scrolls through personal discussions and random pics and stops when she reads Chika’s name. ‘Aqours’ Chika and You spotted hanging out.’ reads the tweet. The picture attached is a candid of her friends walking down the streets of Harajuku. Riko notices that You is wearing her new merch t-shirt. She opens the new thread.

‘Omg is that new merch? I need Dia’s shirt!’ Says the first reply.

‘Rings too?’ The second tweet contains zoomed in pictures of Chika and You’s hands.

‘You’s ring has a blue gem but Chika’s is pink??? My chikariko heart’ Riko scrolls back to the pictures and zooms until the gem, undeniably pink, takes almost all the screen. She hits the contact button and find Chika’s number, hopes she hasn’t changed in six years.

 

“Riko?” The phone didn’t even rang twice, notices Riko.

“Did they asked you to wear that?” 

“To wear… Do you mean the ring?”

“Yes, Chika, I mean the ring, obviously.” It’s unfair to be so mad at Chika and Riko knows it but. It feels like Chika is mocking her, mimicking her old lovesick habits to sell some more show’s tickets.

“They didn’t.” Chika sounds rushed, and anxious, and sad maybe. “Riko, I swear they didn’t.”

“Why did you wore it then?” Asks Riko, and she hates how wavering his voice sounds.

“Because I miss you.”

“You said that already.”

“No, Riko. I miss you, you know? _I miss you_. I’ve been missing you for so long.” Riko closes her eyes. “I want to become friends again.” Chika is breathing a little harder in the phone. “I'm in front of your door. Could you open to me? I want to talk.” Riko looks at the door like she's afraid it's going to open spontaneously because Chika is on the other side. She remembers the time management booked nine rooms for nothing, the time where her door always opened for Chika. She shakes her head

“Not tonight. Tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, of course, sorry.” Chika’s laugh sounds self-deprecating and Riko hates it. “I'm gonna sit there for a while thought, if that's okay.”

“Okay.” Riko stands to go sit against the door too despite herself. “I've missed you too.” She says, so quietly she’s not sure Chika heard it. 

“We're going to make it work, right?” Chika lets out a tiny sobs that makes Riko’s heart clench. “We weren't only girlfriends. We were best friends, too. Tell me we can fix it.”

“We can fix it. I promise.” Says Riko. She wishes she was half as confident as she's making it seem.

 

_Kiss Chika.” Riko turns her head so fast she feels a little dizzy with it._

_“What?” She asks a little stupidly to Hanamaru. They’d been playing spin the bottle for half an hour already and all the dares had been tame enough, the usual combination of innocent pranks (‘call your mother and make a joke!’) and sportives defis (Dia is still in the chair position on her side of the circle.)._

_“You heard me. I dare you to kiss Chika, on the mouth. Or do you prefer the punishment?”_

_Riko would have seriously considered it if the punishment wasn't composed of a serie of fifty push-ups. Chika’s head is still on her shoulder but Riko can tell she’s tensing a little; she feels her cheeks burn. Riko glares at Hanamaru, who answers with a pleased smile. “When did you become so mischievous?”_

_Hanamaru shrugs. “The Yohane effect.”_

_“I'm sorry.” Riko whispers to Chika, finally catching her eyes. “I really don't want to do those push-ups”_

_Chika smiles so wide her eyes close and leans to peck Riko’s lips. Riko leans back with a shocked cry._

_“Doesn't count, zura. Chika kissed you. I dared you to kiss Chika.”_

_Chika’s eyes are still closed, her lips slightly puckered up. Riko can count the freckles on her nose, can see how dark the circles around her eyes had gotten because of the extra dance practice. She licks her own lips nervously and closes the distance between them, gasps when Chika’s mouth open a little._

_“That's alright now!” Wails Dia just when Chika’s hand curl around Riko’s._

_Riko thinks she has her revenge when the bottle stops on Ruby, but Hanamaru seems too happy to get kissed for it to be satisfactory. Mari coos about that ‘sweet, sweet new tradition’ when Ruby dares her sister to kiss You._

_Chika is still holding Riko’s hand in hers._

 

They’re not making it work, not really. Not when Chika ties her hair in a high ponytail at the beginning of every dance rehearsal, making Riko miss the time she could kiss her nape whenever she wanted to. Not when Riko has to listen to Chika’s sweet, sweet voice singing words of love not directed to her. Not when every single one of Chika’s laugh makes Riko wants to run to her and kiss her senseless, to forget the last six years and seek comfort in her arms.  
She can’t, though, she can’t and she knows it. Chika was the one to break up with her. Chika is the one who wants to become friends again. Riko wants Chika but she also knows the Chika she wants in not there anymore. 

They talk, alright, and they’re definitely in better terms, friendly even. They go to rehearsal together and they assist each other’s recording sessions, Chika’s words of encouragement making her feel less disappointed when her voice doesn't come out exactly like she wants it to. She hadn’t sing for so long and it's a real struggle to find again the ease and happiness she once felt in the recording booth. They go eat a couple of time, just the two of them, and it seems so easy that it makes Riko a little sad. Chika seems happy about it though and Riko decides that’s what she’ll settle for if she can’t have more.

 

“We should have a girls’ night.” Says You one day after rehearsal. The girls are all sprawled on the floor of the dance studio, exhausted from their hard work.

“I’m not going to a nightclub.” Says Dia from one side of the room. She stands to distribute water bottles to everyone. “VIP rooms are gross. Too many men think they can hit on me.”

You snorts. “I was more thinking about some pajama-pop-corn-truth-or-dare type of night.” She accepts the bottle from Dia and tugs on her forearm, making her tumble down on her chest. “Can’t you stop moving so much? You’re exhausting me.” Dia blushes.

“A night-in sounds nice.” Comments Hanamaru. She pets distractedly at Ruby’s sweaty short hair. Ruby nuzzles in her hand in return. Riko looks away.

“We’re all old enough for alcohol.” Says Yohane dreamily. “And we’re all settled in our dorm. Let’s do that tonight.”

 

Riko is digging shirtless through her new closet when someone loudly bangs at her door. She sighs and puts on the first shirt she finds. “Who’s here?”

“Guilty kiss!” Yells Yohane from behind the door.

“It’s an intervention.” Says Mari when Riko opens the door. “A needed one.” She adds, eyeing Riko’s shirt. “You intended to wear that for the party?”

Riko didn’t, in fact, intended to wear it at all but she is offended enough by Mari’s comment to keep that information for herself. “What’s wrong with my shirt?”

“It looks like you’re trying to hide yourself, honestly.” Mari tugs on the sleeve. “It’s large enough for two of you!”

“We’re going full guilkiss tonight.” Yohane shows Riko the luggage she’s trailing behind her. “Pajama party doesn’t mean we should look lazy. Let’s try things on.”

“I’m not wearing that.” Cries Riko when Mari takes a satin baby doll from the bag.

Mari rolls her eyes. “Chill, that’s mine. We have less risqué options for you.”

 

It still takes four tries and forty-five minutes for Riko to choose a black silky jumpsuit that satisfies both her and Mari and Yohane. Yohane twirls in her velvet black short and lace top and digs three star-shaped hair pins from the bottom of her bag. “So we can match.” She explains, pushing Riko’s bangs on one side and securing them with the pin. “Let’s take a selfie for instagram!”

“Amazing idea!” Mari grabs her phone. “Management wants us to give a more adult vibe this time, right?”

“Thinks Guilty Kiss, Riri.” Says Yohane with a jab at Riko’s ribs when she starts protesting.

“Yes, _Riri_ , thinks Guilkiss.” Repeats Mari with a laugh. She snaps a couple of pics and shows them to the girls. “Not bad, right? Post it on your account Riko!”

“What? No! Post it on yours!”

Mari coos at her. “Don’t be shy. I post too much and you not enough. Post it for us.”

“But…”

Yohane takes the phone from Riko’s loose grip. “No but. I’m posting it for you.” Riko rolls her eyes. Despite herself, she really did miss Guilty kiss’ rehearsals shenanigans.

 

Riko can’t say she’s noticing much differences between that pajama party and the one they did back during their first tourings. She shrugs and kisses You for what seems to be the third time of the evening. The girls really don’t have much dare ideas and the bottle always seems to land on her anyway, but she suspects almost everyone has kissed everyone by now. Ruby cheers for her to spin the bottle and Riko suddenly remarks she looks very bright despite all she drank. She glances at Dia, who looks just as sober. Riko wonders if she didn’t secretly stole all of Ruby’s drinks to replace them with soft drinks.

Riko spins the bottle, the movement making her feel a little dizzy. She sways a little and catches herself on Hanamaru’s shoulder who stabilize her with a hand on the elbow.

“Oh.” Says Chika from the other side of the circle. Riko’s laugh dies in her throat when she sees the neck of the bottle neatly aligned on her. Chika looks her right in the eyes. “Truth.” She says, and it’s like she’s the one giving Riko a dare.

Riko wants to ask a hundred things, like why Chika decided to leave Aqours or why Chika decided to quit singing or why Chika decided to leave her. “When did you stop loving me?” She asks instead. Chika looks shocked.

“Never.” She says, and Riko suddenly feels glad for all the alcohol because she knows she would have done something stupid if she’d been sober, like stupidly slap Chika or stupidly kiss Chika. “Did you stopped loving me?” 

“It’s not your turn to ask.” Chika only shrugs. Riko considers Chika in front of her, with her long hair and those chiseled cheekbones and this new dressing style. “I don’t even know you.” She says a bit cruelly. The hurt look on Chika’s face doesn’t appease her heartbreak.

 

When she checks her instagram app later that night she discovers a comment from Chika. ‘I've always loved guilty kiss’ outfits.’ Riko forces her not to delete it.

 

_“What's this thing?” In the glass of the shop they’re visiting, the ugliest figurine Riko has ever seen is staring at her, her ecstatic expression made ridiculous by her unevenly placed eyes._

_“Is that supposed to be you?” She asks her girlfriend who's still pointing at the thing and gaping. “It looks like your happy party train outfit and it has your hair color…” She looks back and forth between Chika and the figurine. “Kind of.”_

_“That's not official merch. Probably a knockoff?” Suggests You._

_“We should call our commercial rep, that's illegal.” Says Dia. “And hideous.”_

_“Truly hideous.” Confirms Chika. “I love it. I'm gonna buy one!”_

_“I swear to god, Chika.” Riko follows Chika, who got the ugly figurine preciously cradled in her arms, through the shop. “If you put it above our bed I'm breaking up with you.”_

_“I won't!” Says Chika with a giggle. Riko isn't sure she believes her._

 

Riko is woken up by timid knocks on her door. She didn’t close the blinds the night before; the sun is blinding when she opens her eyes. She grumbles and rolls around to turn her back to the sun, ready to get back to sleep. The person knocks again.

“It’s our day off!” Whines Riko. “And my head hurt.”

“I’ve got water and painkiller.” Says Chika’s voice through the door. “Open to me?” Riko’s culpability at the ugly words from the day before forces her out of bed.

“Ugh, fine.” It’s only when she opens that she realises she probably looks like a right mess, pillow creases on her cheek and hair all other the place. She rubs self consciously at the skin under her eye and lets Chika comes in.

“Your room’s nice.” Chika goes straight to Riko’s window and gazes at the view.

“My room’s empty.” Replies Riko, conscious that the boxes scattered around the room don’t really makes it look welcoming. Her closet is the only thing that looks okay right now and it’s because the doors are closed. She knows she should tidy it up, but she doesn’t feel that ready to admit that the dorm is her home now, for at least a year. She hasn’t moved out of her flat in Germany yet and doesn’t really knows if she will stop renting it. She really does love it and intend to go back to her old life after their touring ends, after all.

Riko sits cross legged on her bed and gestures for Chika to do the same. Chika pushes the bottle of water and the pills in her open hands. She’s so close Riko can see the freckles on her nose. Riko’s always liked idol Chika of course, with sparkling dresses and shiny hair and glowing skin, but she always loved this Chika more, wearing soft comfortable clothes, no make up covering her freckles and red cheeks.

“Because you said you don’t know me anymore, I thought we could play truth or truth.” Riko’s blank look makes her laugh. “You ask a question to which I have to answer truthfully, then I do the same. No lie, we can’t skip any question. We need to get rid of the past if we want to build a future, right?”

Riko’s head hurts and she’s not sure she’s ready for such a serious discussion. “Okay.” She answers anyway.

“Let’s meet again, Riko-chan?”

Riko can’t help but smile. “Let’s meet again.”

“You start, then.”

Riko considers Chika’s orange and white tracksuit, a reliquat from their old merch. She remembers Chika wearing it during lazy days in the dorm. “You still wear that old thing?”

Chika cocks her head. “Is that your question?” Riko nods. “Yeah, I guess. It’s comfy. I wear it to clean around in the ryokan. Why did you cut your hair?”

Riko passes a hand in her hair. “It was terribly damaged after all that straightening and it was getting in the way so I cut it.” She shrugs. “That’s a terribly plain answer. Some things never change, I guess.”

“You were never plain.” Chika’s expression is open, sincere and it suddenly makes Riko very mad.

“You say that but you still left.” She accuses. “Why did you left us?”

Chika looks down, fingers nervously playing with a thread coming off her sleeve. That's what she wanted, of course, when she proposed that stupid game. A confrontation. A chance to explain herself, maybe? “My mother fell sick.” She says, voice small. Riko freezes. She’d been close with Chika’s family once and thinking something might have happened to her mother and she’d been unaware is insufferable. 

“Is she alright?”

“Yes. It was something affecting her sight, not a life threatening illness. It made her unable to run the ryokan though. She needed me.”

“But why did…”

“My turn to ask a question, remember?” Riko stares incredulously at Chika. “You agreed, remember? Did you dated people in Germany?”

“Are you seriously asking about my dating history right now?” Chika shrugs. “Well I did dated girls. Never longer than a couple of months. Ranked from uncomfortable to fucking creepy. Why did you broke up with me?”

“I wanted you all to keep singing without me.” She shrugs again, still playing with the cuff of her left sleeve. “I knew you would quit for me. I didn’t wanted that. Tell me about that creepy date?”

Riko wants to refuse, wants to press for more answer but Chika looks so defeated she thinks she can maybe give her a break. “Well it started nice enough? The girl was cute and she treated me to a nice restaurant so I went for a last drink at hers. She lived in a tiny tiny studio. She tells me to sit on the bed, you know, and that’s when I realise she has that enormous Aqours poster on her wall.”

Chika gasps. “You dated a fan?”

“Wait, that’s getting better. I start looking around of course and see something half-hidden under the covers.” Chika’s mouth is hanging out open, her eyes shining happily. “That was a fucking body-pillow of you. She was a fan of you! Gosh, that was so embarrassing.”

“What did you do?”

“I trash talked you.” Smiles Riko. “Told her you were a real diva and used lots of auto-tune, that your feet smell bad, I don’t even remember. Sorry?”

“Don’t be, that’s hysterical.” Chika is laughing so hard Riko is half afraid she’s going to choke but she also feels more at peace with herself that she’d be for a very long time. She reaches for Chika’s arm and squeezes it.

“She even had that figurine, you remember the one?”

“No?” Chika is crying now. “Not the one, oh my god.” She falls on her side on the bed with the force of her laugher. Riko doesn’t resist the need to lay in front of her and laugh with her. 

“You really did put it above our bed, back then.” She whispers with a soft laugh. “You took it with you everywhere we were touring to. You said it was your good luck charm.” She pauses. “You took it when you left, too.”

“I was wrong about that.” Says Chika quietly. She reaches for a strand of Riko’s hair; Riko lets her. “You were my good luck charm. I didn't realise it six years ago. I thought I was being selfless, quitting you all without a word, but I was wrong. I felt better about myself if quitting you felt like a sacrifice, not an abandon. I was selfish and ultimately my selfishness broke off Aqours. I'm still so selfish. I can't even imagine you forgiving me, Riko, yet here I am, begging you for forgiveness.”

“You made a mistake.” Chika chuckles uneasily. “A big one, yeah. A really big one. I didn't thought I could forgive you but look at us? I didn't thought I wanted to forgive you, but I already did without noticing.”

She opens her arms for Chika to buries herself in, strokes her back when Chika starts crying, her tears wetting Riko’s shoulder. She whispers endless sorry against Riko’s clothes and Riko keeps holding her through it. She doesn't know what's going to happen now, but she doesn't doubt Chika and her will keep finding each other til the end.

 

_Riko had started waiting for their games of truth or dare with impatience; she knows the girls will at some point ask her to kiss Chika and she appreciates the opportunity more than she should probably._

_Kissing Chika is becoming almost familiar now, almost easy, a new habit. Chika even kissed her without a reason once while telling her goodnight and Riko had thought about it for days._

_They’re in the changing room now; it’s their first sold out show in Tokyo and Riko just performed with Guilty kiss. Azalea are singing now and all the girls are following their set from the little screen on the wall. Chika is here, too, and she’s looking at Riko only. She crosses the room to the wall Riko is leaning on, her eyes burning._

_“Can I kiss you?” She whispers, low and intense. Riko can only nod._

_Kissing Chika is almost familiar by now but the feelings still take her by surprise. Chika’s kiss is soft but hungry and she breaks it just when Riko loops her arms around her neck. “You look so good on stage.” She whines against Riko’s neck. “I can’t take it. Please, think of my poor weak heart.”_

_“Is a kiss the only solution to calm your heart?” Riko’s own heart is beating harder than it ever had on stage._

_“One more would be better.” Riko laughs and leans again, ready for another kiss. “Wait.” Says Chika hurriedly. “I forgot. I forgot.” She takes a deep breath and her hands tangle in the front of Riko’s dress. “Will you be my girlfriend, Riko?”_

_“Yes.”_

 

“So, Riko.” Starts the interviewer. Riko remembers him from years ago; the guy used to push a little too much for indiscreet answer for her liking. Still, she smiles her gracious idol smile and nods. “You’ve been working in Europe for the last four years, care to tell us why?”

“I've lived in Germany, yes. As for why… I was tired of the celebrity I guess. The anonymous life I got to live there was very much needed.”

“You were a translator, right?” Riko nods and smiles. “Didn't you miss Japan? If I recall, you left in precipitation.”

“You’re absolutely right.” Answers Riko politely as if she doesn't want to enucleate the interviewer. “Of course I missed my country. I think I just needed a cultural shock to remind myself I wasn't an idol anymore.”

“Of course, that's understandable.” Says the interviewer with faux concern in his eyes. “The group exploded with the departure of your leader, which we still don't know a lot about.” His eyes dart to Chika who stiffens next to Riko. Riko squeezes her arm without thinking and does her best not to glare at the guy; she knows the topic was blacklisted but the interview is live and they can't just not answer. 

“I understand that the subject can be interesting for some people.” Says Dia sweetly. “But you’ll agree with me that our private life is no one’s business. We don't want to build our comeback on watery stories. We are all alright now, thank you for your concern.”

“Of course, of course.” The guy is not pleased. Riko would be afraid for Dia if she didn't knew she can break the interviewer with a snap of her fingers. “So the rumors about quarrels between you…”

“All false, _all false!_ ” Mari belts out cheerfully. “We're all best friends here and we couldn't be happier to be reunited.”

“What a good news! That's all I wanted to know, of course.” 

In the monitor Riko can see Dia and Hanamaru glaring at the interviewer and her own hand still on Chika's arm. She removes it the most discreetly she can.

 

“Are you alright?” She asks Chika the second the camera stops rolling. Chika smiles gratefully.

“Thanks to Dia and Mari, I am. Come on, now.” She leaves in the changing room’s direction. “We're on in ten.”

 

The program for their first comeback show broadcasted live is pretty tight. They didn't get to rehearse on stage first and everyone is pretty stressed, especially since they have a 25 minutes set. 

All nine girls start with their new single, Red string of fate, with all new black and red costumes and under blinding lights. The screams from the public are so loud Riko has to ask for her in-ears’ volume to be upped to its maximum.

Riko leaves the stage breathless and changes into her guilty kiss outfit hurriedly. Mari, Yohane and her arrive on the platform that lifts them on stage just in time. Their subunit comeback song has a slower, sexier sound this time and a melody Riko is proud of and happy to showcase on her piano. The crowd is an ocean of pink, white and violet lights and for the first time, Riko realises she's glad for all the events leading to this moment.

“We did it!” Yells Mari the second she takes away her mic.

“We really did!” Yells Yohane back. “We were so good.”

“So good.” Confirms Riko from the cluster of Mari-and-Yohane she’s engulfed in. “I’m so proud of us.”

“Will you shut up, now?” Scold Dia, already dressed up in her Azalea costume. “CYaRon are about to start.”

Riko turns to the screen hanged up on the wall and feels her heart leaps in her chest when she takes in the minimalist stage, black background on black floor, the girls sat on tall stools in three circles of light.  
Chika is on the center, acoustic guitar in hands and she’s the first one to sing. There’s no music but Chika’s guitar and a recorded piano: Riko recognises with a shock a composition she wrote years ago but never found use to. 

The song is a slow, sad ballad about missing the love of your life and Riko is already on the brink of tears, but she definitely loses track of the time when the camera pans on Chika’s hand, clearly showing the rings on her finger.

She’s waiting next to the base of the platform when it finally reappears, taking Azalea to the stage. Riko takes Chika’s hand in her and watches the two glistening rings; the new one, with its thin red line and pink gem, is brand new and shining under the artificial light. On the second one, Riko recognizes the engraved little C and the familiar dents, the smoothness of silver worn everyday for years.

“Is it for me?” 

“Only for you.” Says Chika in a low voice. She’s a little breathless from singing, still, and looks a little lost and scared and so, so full of hope.

“Can I kiss you?” Whispers Riko.

“I don’t know.” Says Chika just as quietly. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Riko grips harder the hand she’s still holding, intertwines Chika’s fingers with hers. “Yes.” She says, leaning in to finally kiss Chika. “Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Don't hesitate to leave a comment or come talk to me on [ my blog](https://sunflowerhanamaru.tumblr.com/)


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